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When you type in "how to" into Google search the top suggestions are "tie a tie," "kiss," and "get pregnant." Apparently the people who use Google most are total idiots (me), pubescent geeks (me, then), and gold digging whores (me…future?).

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My female co-worker was crying so, thinking something horrible had happened, I was like "oh, man, are you alright? What's wrong?" and tried to console her. Then I found out she was crying while watching The Bachelor re-runs on abc.com. Right when I'm about to be like "y'know, maybe girls aren't as totally insane as I think they are," I see something like that. I just don't get it.

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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's Girl Scout Cookie season. The first time I come home drunk I guarantee I eat an entire sleeve of Shortbreads.