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There were some legit smoking hot chiquitas at church on Easter. Maybe I need to start going more often. (P.S. if I wasn't going to hell already I pretty much cemented it by texting that to a buddy during the service) (P.P.S. the iPhone revolutionizes church services).

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The first edition of the Chronicles of PHA was like Freaks and Geeks: Critically acclaimed, but yanked off the air almost immediately. As soon as conflicts with one star were resolved one of the other stars is now in contract discussions with other apartments. PHA is like SNL during the 70's, only with more drugs and fewer women.

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This morning I legitimately considered asking a homeless guy on the subway if he thought West Virginia would beat Kansas in a potential second round matchup. Without spring break this is all I have, clearly.

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I knocked over a display of bottled water last night at Whole Foods while staring at a hot girl. This is how rarely I see knock-outs in NYC. For reference I used to run into polls, parked cars, trash cans, and open manholes pretty much daily when I was on campus at Texas. One time I even ran into a police horse trying to make eye contact with a hot chiquita. Those were the days.

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While my friends were getting into law school and getting engaged this weekend, I focused on beating Call of Duty. A few years from now I'm confident my accomplishment will mean more in the grand scheme of things. As an aside, that was one of the more depressing endings to a story I've ever seen.

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When you type in "how to" into Google search the top suggestions are "tie a tie," "kiss," and "get pregnant." Apparently the people who use Google most are total idiots (me), pubescent geeks (me, then), and gold digging whores (me…future?).

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My female co-worker was crying so, thinking something horrible had happened, I was like "oh, man, are you alright? What's wrong?" and tried to console her. Then I found out she was crying while watching The Bachelor re-runs on abc.com. Right when I'm about to be like "y'know, maybe girls aren't as totally insane as I think they are," I see something like that. I just don't get it.